Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Sisterhood of Sadness...

One of my Boston Baby Board friends posted this poem for me a few weeks back - I thought it was very touching and want to remember it.

A Sisterhood of Sadness

"I was once a member of the Pregnancy Club, my membership card consisting of two pink lines on a stick.

I was eager to pay my dues, just like all the other members. Morning sickness, stretch marks, cravings -- I welcomed them all. But they never came.

And before I knew it, my membership was revoked. No real reason -- at least none I could discern -- other than bad timing, perhaps. Or, at least, that's what everyone's been telling me. That and "God's plan."

Miscarriage is a terrible word. As if one has dropped something, or carried something incorrectly. Similar to "mistake" or "misunderstanding." How I longed for it to be either of those things when I learned my baby was gone. Surely, it was a mistake, I prayed. If they would just look again, they would learn it was all a simple misunderstanding.

But the ultrasound screen showed otherwise.

1 out of every 5 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, say the books. That statistic terrified me when I was pregnant. So many lost babies, I thought. How can I keep mine from being one of them? But now that mine is one of them, that 1 out of 5 seems awfully small. Or, at least, it did. Until soft-speaking female voices started whispering to me in my grief, "It happened to me, too."

Their eyes told me the stories of the pain that we shared, the pain that only a woman who has carried a child - and lost it - could know. For some, it was fresh pain. For others, it was dulled by healthy babies since born.

A sisterhood of Sadness. It's a silent group, this new club of which I have recently become a reluctant member. Our membership cards are the scars we will always carry on our hearts. Our dues are paid in blood and tears. It is a painful initiation, and one never ceases membership. Because one never forgets. I am joining, not because I want to, but because I wasn't given the choice.

But at least I know I'm not alone. At least I know there are hundreds of thousands of women with me, however silent and invisible, quietly holding my hand."

8 Comments:

At 10:20 AM, Anonymous Bethe said...

1 in 5 is completely wrong. So many pregnancies are lost before they are even recognized for what they are. They are written off as "late" periods and nobody is even aware that they were ever pregnant. That number would skyrocket, perhaps as high as 3 in 5, if all pregnancies were detected right away.

I tell you this not to trivialize what has happened, but so you realize the enormity of the reality. You are FAR FROM ALONE.

Nothing takes away the pain, but time dulls it. You grow to accept it and you move forward.

"It wasn't meant to be" is a phrase you will hear a lot in the next few months. Eventually you come to see that it truly wasn't in the plans for you "right now". Your time WILL come, and it will be perfect when it's right.

 
At 3:02 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

{{{hugs}}}

 
At 4:43 PM, Anonymous Martha said...

I can relate to this little story too. Thanks for sharing it. Like I said, once it happens...you find out how many women ALSO have had miscarriages that you never knew about. It makes you feel like you aren't alone, and it's not your fault...and you WILL go on to have healthy children in the future.

You will get through this, and you will get to have a nice healthy pregnancy again when the timing is right scientifically. Timing is always right when we want it...but it's not in our hands - it will happen when it is meant to happen.

BIG HUGS and you know I'm always here to talk to.

 
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